“…A relapse may be the jarring experience that brings about a more rigorous application of the program…” Source-Chapter (7) Narcotics Anonymous – Recovery and Relapse.

The program mentioned above is the individual addict’s own personal recovery program.  Every individual who needs treatment or have had treatment for drug abuse needs a program of recovery.  However, just having a program or simply just attending NA meeting is not enough.  The lynchpin for success lies within the application of ones program.

How an individual applies him or herself to their program is important, because once a person becomes addicted to drugs, and gets clean, drug relapse can one day become reality for that person, however, with a rigorous application of their recovery program, which should include a relapse component, staying clean will be reality, otherwise, relapse will become reality, like it is mine, I RELAPSE.

I had a little over eighteen years clean time, fourteen years and three months of that clean time was spent in prison.  Part of my pre-release conditions from prison was for me to attend an in-patient drug program, which I completed.  I also completed the aftercare portion of the program, and was placed on five years probation.  I honestly felt that I had nothing to worry about, since I had been drug free for so long.  In my mind I did not have a drug problem nor was I thinking about doing any drugs.  I managed to get good jobs, establish a good line of credit, meet new friends, rented my own place, and walk around legal.  (Meaning that I did not have to worry about wondering if the police were looking for me.)

Man!  I thought I had made it, and that I was immune to using drugs again, then I got comfortable. I thought I was at the point where I could hang around in my old hang out spots, which I did, and like I expected, some of the same old crew still doing drugs, just a few new faces and younger ones, but still the same old thing.  I reached a point where I was working hard and making money, and for a man coming out of the situation I was in, I was progressing fairly well, however that wasn’t’ enough for me. I felt bored, like something was missing, then I felt like I needed to have some fun, so I told myself that here was nothing wrong with getting a little high or taking a small drink, and at the time not thinking that this is the same behavior that led me to prison, and what eventually placed me back in prison, after being free for three and a half years. I was sent back to prison for violating my probation for illegal drug use and possession of drug paraphernalia.

I guess the reader of this article would ask, what fool does fourteen years, three months in prison, competes an in-patient drug treatment program, establishes himself in his community, meets new friends, and then uses again.  Well, I’m the guy!

If you read my story carefully, you would discover that I had already relapsed, before ingesting the actual chemical substance.  Once a person becomes addicted to drugs, relapse can occur. I fooled myself into believing that just being physically abstinent was enough, and forgot that I was a recovering addict who took drug use to the extreme, which led me to committing crimes and doing prison time.

Sometimes for a recovering addict a relapse or a tragic event in our personal life can do the job of awakening the recovering addict to take a more vigorous approach within their recovery plan.  I admit that coming back to prison has definitely awaken me, and I’m going to do what I have to do to maintain the discipline to apply myself in doing the things I must do to stay clean.  I was more worried about coming forth and feeling embarrassed by admitting I relapsed, basically, I just was trying to save face by not going to friends and asking for help or seeking help on my own, instead of focusing on saving and maintaining my overall well-being, and not using drugs.

My relapse has been the jarring experience that has motivated me to speak out about my situation in hopes that I can help, teach and be an example, for someone who needs my help.  Because actually by helping another, I’m really helping myself, and getting the help I need.

Duminsani Bankoke
202278/244536B
Southwoods State Prison
215 Burlington Road
Bridgeton, NJ 08302